Conversations With My Cell Phone – Verse One: Please say a command…

Press the voice command on my cell phone, and this very nice lady robot asks me to “please say a command”…

“Call someone.”

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Shnguawn’?”

“No.”

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngyalice’?”

“No. I said ‘Call SOMEONE’.”

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngmillinda’?”

“No.”

“Sorry, command not recognized. Try again.”

“Call Judy.”

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngyennifer’?”

“No. I said ‘call Judy’.”

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngteddy’?”

“What? NO!”

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngyohn’?”

“Who is Ngyohn?”

“Sorry, command not recognized. Try again.”

“OK – I’m going to give you one more chance – “

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Thneven’?”

“What – wait a minu – “

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngyathy’?”

Deep breath…

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngyave and Ngyoni’?”

“NO!  I SAID ‘CALL JUDY’ YOU STUPID PIECE OF TECHNOLOGICAL NIGHTMARISH ASSEMBLAGE OF INHUMAN PLASTIC, PRETTY LIGHTS AND… AND… AND…AND… WIRE!”

“Sorry, command not recognized. Try again.”

“Aaaarrrrggghhhh!”

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngarny’?’

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngarny’?’

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngarny’?’

“No! I didn’t say ANYTHING!”

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngmary’?’

“Just shut up and leave me alone!”

“Did you ngyay ‘Call Ngyoan’?’

“%$#!& %$^&@#!*  /?():$#!@*&^%^&%$@!!!!!  *^%$#$*/–+?/>,:”&^%!!!!!”

“Sorry, command not recognized. Try again.”

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