Opening Scenes of Books That I will Never Write – Chapter 4: Introductions All Around – How to Get Your Names Truly Right

My name is Truly… Love Truly… Love U. Truly. Yes, that’s my real name and no, it wasn’t easy growing up with that name.  It was hard – real hard, and I have always wondered what my parents were thinking when they tagged me with it. 

I would have been happier with a name like Rocky Smith. Or Max Jones. Or Sam Hamburgowitzheimerlocktonspineligrauptonstein. 

Or Penelope. Why couldn’t they just have named me ‘Penelope’ with no middle or last name? 

But it’s ‘Love U. Truly’, so I have to live with it. And what’s my middle name? What does the “U.” stand for? It’s ‘U.’. Just ‘U.’.  They couldn’t even come up with a decent middle name to which I can fall back when people ask me  my name. Most guys can fall back to their middle name (or, at least, a cool nick name) when they think their first name won’t do…

“Hi, I’m Harold, but you can call me Hal.”

Well, that doesn’t work for me…

“Hi, I’m U., but you can call me U.”..

See the difference? And there are several other problems associated with having a name like ‘Love U. Truly’. Prospective employers don’t take it seriously when they see it on my resume. 

 “OK – Who’s the joker? who put this fake resume on my desk?”

I have never had an actual job interview because my resumes keep getting tossed into the shredder. That being the case, I have never had an actual job. It’s really very sad…

I have tried to get gainful employment my entire life, only to be laughed out of Human Resource offices all over the state. 

I’ve tried opening my own business a couple of times, but have never been able to attract customers because the DBA didn’t come across right…

‘Love U. Truly Bail Bonds’

‘Love You Truly, Bounty Hunter’

‘Love You Truly, Body Guard’

‘Love you Truly, Professional Hit Man’

See what I mean? There’s a disconnect in there somewhere.

One of the major issues with the name is that of introducing one’s self to someone new. That can be a real challenge, and it was never a good time for me. 

Until the day I met my soul mate, the love of my life…

“So, What’s your name?”

“‘U.’. What’s yours?”

“I asked you first. “

“Yes, I know. Thank you for asking. I’m ‘U.’. Who are you?”

Wait a minute. You’re not me. I am me. You are you.”


“Tell you what… You tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine. You go first.”

“OK… I am ‘U..’ Who are you?”

“You haven’t told me your name, yet.”

“Yes I have – it’s ‘U.'”

“Wait a minute.. Are you telling me your name is ‘You? Y-o-u’?

“No, not ‘Y-o-u’ – Just “U..’ The letter ‘U..'”

“Your name is the Letter ‘U.?'”

“Yes. Well, that’s my middle name. My real first name is ‘Love,’ but I go by ‘U.’.”

“Your name is ‘Love’ and the letter ‘U.’?”

“Yes. ‘Love U.’ and only ‘U.’. Who are you?”

“I am ‘Me’.”

“OK – I think that we can agree that you are you and I am me, but what’s your name?”

“No, you are U. and I am Me, not you.”

“Yes, I am ‘U.’ and you are not me.”

“Yes I am.”

“Yes you are what?”

“I am ‘Me.'”

“Yes, you are, but who are you?”

“No, you are ‘U.’ and I am ‘Me.'”

“And we are we and we are all together, but who are you?”

“You are ‘U.'”

“We have established that I am ‘U.’ . What I don’t know is your name.”

“My name is ‘Me.'”

“Are you telling me that your name is ‘Me’?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Ahhhh! Right! What’s your last name?”


“Yes, I think I have your first name right.”

“No! You’ve got my first name wrong! My first name is ‘Me’!”

“Yes, right. I understand that, but what’s your last name?”  

“‘Wright’. My last name is ‘Wright’.”

“Your last name is ‘Right’? R-i-g-h-t?”

“No, that’s wrong. My last name is ‘Wright’ W-r-i-g-h-t.”

“Ahhhh… I think I have it – Your first name is ‘Me’, which is right; your last name is not ‘right’, which is wrong; but your last name is ‘Wright,’ which is right! Right?”

“Yes! That is truly right! I am ‘Me’ and you are ‘U’! What’s your last name?”


“Yes, tell me truly.”

“That’s my name – ‘Truly’.”

“What’s your last name?”

“My last name is ‘Truly’.”

“Oh! Your last name is ‘Truly’!”


“No, My name is Wright!”

“Not Wright! Right!”



“I think I get it… Your name is ‘Love U. Truly.'”

“Correct. And you are ‘Me Wright’. Right?”


“Do you have a middle name?”

“Yes, ‘No’.”

“You do? Or you don’t?”

“Yes I do.”

“Tell me what it is.”


“Why not?”

“Why not what?”

“Why won’t you tell me your middle name?”

“I did.”

“You did? What is it?”  

“Yes I did. ‘No’.”

“You are saying that your middle name is ‘No’?”


“So your full name is Me No Wright?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Sigh… “I think I’m in love… Will you marry me?”

“I don’t know. Will he?”

“Will who what?”

“Will U. marry Me?”

“I just asked you that.”

“No, you just asked me if U. will marry Me. That’s different.”

“How is that different?”

“Why do you ask?”

And that, my friends, was when we decided to change our names to ‘Bill’ and ‘Judy’…