Banned After 10:00 PM…

November 8, 2019

Judy has banned me from telling jokes between the hours of 10:00 PM and 8:00 AM because she can’t sleep if she is laughing. I will say, though, that it’s fun to see her get mad at me while she is laughing out loud…

Wow… Why is it so much later than it is?

BK

Imitation may be the best form of flattery, but it’s the worst form of individuality…

I’m uncomfortable in large crowds especially when I’m by myself, in which case, I guess, there aren’t a lot of people around so why be uncomfortable?

Given the choice between eating fish and sitting on a cactus, I would probably select the fish… But not by much..

Sometimes you have to stub your toe to realize that it doesn’t hurt when you don’t…

Judy, rushing out the door to make an appointment (35 miles away) to have the oil changed in her car…

Judy: “I have to run! I don’t want to be late! Pray that I have gas!”

Me: “Dear Lord, please give Judy gas. Amen.”

I guess prayer really does work…

Irreconcilable Differences…

September 8, 2019

Now, this is really disturbing… 

accordion and guitar world

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Hello, again Gentle Reader(s?),

Somebody, somewhere, says that some days are easier than others. At least, that’s what I have been told.

The following is a true story and I have the pictures to prove it… In fact, I think I’ll just let the pictures speak for themselves and save you the effort of reading the approximately 11,000 words that would be required to tell the story.

I will, however, just mention how this started. 

We needed a board. A 2 x 4, to be exact. There. It’s started…

board.jpg

 

There. Definitive proof that I have the mechanical ability of a cumquat. 

 

 

Hello again, Gentle Reader(s?),

In this episode, we are going to talk about building a set. Sort of.

Actually, building a set is a lot like working a puzzle. Basically, you start out with a bunch of separate smaller seemingly unrelated pieces which just sort of sit there and say, “I dare you to try to find a way to make us look like we were meant to be together.”

Things like screws, nails, sheets of various types of wood, vinyl, metal, plastic, rubber, tape and a couple of other “secret” ingredients that I still haven’t figured out. 

Once you start assembling all these materials, there’s no going back (to the hardware store to return the items that you really wish you hadn’t purchased in the first place.) So, you may just as well push forward until you get it right and make the thing work.

Once you do figure it out and complete section number one of the puzzle, the rest is actually pretty simple and the three hours you spent building section one gradually becomes about twenty minutes for the rest of the project.

And the best part is seeing the fruits of your labor for the first time… 

Now time for something amazing… 

The next time somebody says “crickets”, you may have a different perspective…

This is something you have to listen to. In 1992 Jim Wilson got the idea to slow down a recording of chirping crickets. The revealed sound simply was called “Gods cricket chorus”. The hidden beauty of nature is astonishing, and we are all part of it! Maybe a reason to think again before squashing an insect too 🙂

Sorry, no goofiness in this post…

But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you any more…

BK

tritip1.jpg

beef_cuts.jpg

There is no Tri-Tip. There is only Do-Tip or Do-Not-Tip.

BK

Can somebody please explain to me how you milk an almond?

I almost got a haircut today. Really – I did. Almost. 

I really need a haircut. Badly. And I actually asked for and received $20.00 cash back at the grocery store specifically for the purpose of obtaining one. Not only that, but the barber shop is located in the same shopping center as the grocery store. Only about 250 feet away, in fact. 

I even told my wife that I was going to get my haircut today. And a couple of friends, too.

I really wanted to, but I didn’t. 

So why didn’t I?

Well, the macro explanation is that I pride myself on being frugal (read that, “cheap”.)

The micro explanation, as one would expect, is a bit more explanatory.  

Week after next, 75% of our children are showing up at our house from, literally, hundreds and thousands of miles away in different directions around the country. This, in and of itself, would normally neither cause me to visit or not visit the hairdresser, however, this particular visit is for the purpose of filming scenes in our movie project. 

My hair needs to look more like this…

IMG_5240.jpeg

…And less like this…

The issue is not that my hair needs to look like it does in every other scene in the film (although it does) and in order for that to happen, I have to get it cut. And the issue is not that if I get it cut this week I will probably have to have it cut again next week, too. The issue is not that if I get it cut this week it will cost me $20.00, or if I get it cut next week it will cost me $20.00. 

The issue is that if I get it cut this week and I get it cut next week, it will cost me $40.00. 

Hence, no haircut today, but a haircut next week. 

Because I am frugal. 

Or cheap.