Category: Sayings by Bill

The Wisdom Of Age 5 – Some Days…

.

As I have progressed in age, I have learned that some days are more flatulent than others, and some days are more flatulent than those days… I believe that this is one of the latter mentioned days…  – The Very William H. Kammerer, Jr. Esq. (not,)

.

Life Lessons 1… Showers

Our water heater has been on the blink for 6 days. It will either be next Tuesday when it will be replaced, or a week after that.
Lessons learned:
1 – Cold showers don’t last very long.
2 – I don’t have to worry about Judy using up all the cold water.
3 – …
Advertisement

Conversations With Judy: Episode 29: When To NOT Utilize Your Sense Of Humor

Well, hello again Gentle Reader(s?)… It’s time for another foray into the world of “How To Live A Successful Life”.  

In this episode, we (I) will be discussing the proper neglect of the use of a sense of humor. And I will be doing so through the example that I have most recently set for myself…

Permit me to provide a bit of background, here.

Judy and I are in the process of designing (Judy’s part) and building “just one more house – honest. I promise”. 

*Some of you may remember that our house burned down September 16, 2010 and that Judy designed the new one. Well, as it happened, she really loved doing that and she got the bug to do it just once more, hopefully before we die. 

She has been working on it for about three years, drawing, changing, changing, changing, changing, upgrading, changing, changing and changing on, pretty much, a weekly basis over that entire period of time. She has finally got it right. 

Over the past several months, we have submitted the plans to the contractor and the architect to have them drawn up numerous times. And, oddly enough, they have returned to us the finished plans an equal number of times for our inspection. Equally oddly enough, Judy has made a few changes and corrections. The last set of plans required  changes/corrections to about twelve items. the first two items on the list appear here:

bidet-1

**Some of you may remember that I have a way of being joyfully light-hearted in just about any situation (I make stupid, though always hilarious, comments and jokes). This situation presented, to me, anyway, a good opportunity to, once again, employ my never-miss sense of humor, particularly in light of the fact that we had met with both the contractor and architect on many occasions and they have gotten used to me. 

I thought it would be fun to throw in my own two cents on the suggested changes. 

So I did…

bidet-2

Hmmm… There were no “Haha’s” from Judy…

This was unusual.

Moving ahead twelve days…

Phone rings…

Bill: “Hello.”

Judy (in a sweet voice): “Hi, Bill.”

B (somehow recognizing the ‘falseness’ in the sweetness in her voice): “Uh… Hi Judy.”

J (same sweet voice): I just wanted to let you know, ahead of time, that I’m going to strangle you when I get home tonight.”

B: “Gulp…”

J (ssv): “Would you like to know why?”

B: “OK…”

J (in a somewhat changed tone of voice): “Because the plans for the house were sent to me and they are being submitted to the county.”

B: “Well, that’s a good thing, right?”

J: “Guess what they include…”

I’m just going to leave it right there and let you use your imagination. 

Suffice to say that the use of humor, no matter how funny, may, in rare cases, be wise to avoid. 

Seriously. 

 

Until next (I hope) ti–

 

The New Expletive

Hello, again, Gentle Reader(s?),

Yes, it’s time, once again, for you to make a decision on whether or not to continue reading a post from me. I’ll give you a minute to decide…

…

…

Still here? OK! We shall proceed.

Let’s take a moment to review this year…

Never mind – let’s not.

All in all, though, a pretty tough year for ALL of us, and it is hard to come up with something positive to say about this year.

But, as some of you may suspect, I try to be positive in any situation (we are currently engulfed by smoke and ashes, just a little less than a mile from the “evacuation warning” perimeter made possible by the Creek Fire, here in the Sierra Mountains).

In my efforts to find something positive to say about the entire year, I have come up with this…

Many of us are familiar with bad words. Some of them are really nasty. You may even remember my previous post on “Alternative Cuss Words“.  And I would venture to guess that you remember that now-famous line, uttered by Ralphie, from the movie, A Christmas Story” (One of my top two favorite films of all time)…

Well, I have, I believe, come up with a new and even BETTER “THE word. The BIG one. The QUEEN MOTHER of dirty words. The 2- – – word.”

Yes, that’s right. Those of us who abhor hearing or reading the “f- – -“, or “s- – -” or “(input your – – – -‘s here) words in everyday speech and correspondence may now have a chance to NOT hear or read those – – – -s.

Think of the possibilities:

“Ooooh twweeeennnntttyyy-nnniiiiinnnnnneteeeeeeennnnn! Only I didn’t say nineteen.”

“Well, we sure 2- – -‘d that up!”

Then, of course, there’s the famous greeting,

“Hey, m- – – – -2- – -“!

See? You can always find something positive in just about any situation. Even if nobody agrees with you…

Really, though, take care, be safe, and look for the positive – even though it’s well hidden, it’s there…

Honest…

BK