The Truth About Me Comes Out…

A couple of days ago I did something that I almost never do. I did one of those copy and paste things on Facebook.

Unfortunately, this has lead to the exposition of at least one of my life’s most closely guarded secrets. Things I have been afraid to reveal for reasons that – well, read below…

 

 

 

As you can see, I got a few responses from friends and relatives around the country, mostly adhering to the ‘one word’ part of the project, and those that added more didn’t do too badly.

And then this showed up…

I was, to say the least, surprised. Here’s why…

Dear Tom, I love you, man. I have always loved you. I will always love you. But now you have revealed, for all of the world to see, my most closely held secret, and it hurts.

I have never spoken of my heroic deeds within the space program. I have always painted myself as your normal, every day (albeit abnormally handsome) all American guy. I had hoped to have people love me for my “ordinariness” – never suspecting my extraordinary accomplishments on Earth, in space and under the sea.

I wished that my self-sacrificing actions in singlehandedly saving the world from complete and utter destruction at the hands of an, (thus far, known only to the three of us) enemy might stay hidden in the dark recesses of our memories.

But now you have exposed a small hint of my true greatness, and I fear that people will look at me differently… Not loving me for who I pretend to be, but for who I truly am.

Sadly, I will now have to practice making my signature semi-legible for all of the autograph seekers about to invade my space. And then there are the Paparazzi – who knows what to expect from them…

I could request that everybody who reads your description of how we first met take it as a brilliant and successful attempt at humor, however, by the time they get to the end of your post, they will have realized that “there was always something ‘different’ about” me and that your report can only be taken seriously and not as a humorous joke meant to elicit laughter.

As I said in the beginning, I still love you, man…

PS – Your family and friends should know about your own heroics, Tom. Have you told them about the “volcanic surface of Jupiter” incident? I didn’t think so…

Update:

jupiter 1.jpg

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The Silent Me – Chapter Two: I Am Fluent In Silence

A friend posted the following meme on Facebook… 

fluent-in-silence

…and it got me to thinking:

I am completely fluent in silence. I hardly ever talk. About anything. Well, some things I talk about, I guess, but only a little bit. Except when I think I have something really important to say. Which isn’t very often at all. Only when I run out of things to think – that’s when I feel like I have to say something. But that’s not an event that comes up very frequently. Only when I’m awake. Or asleep. I don’t talk much in my sleep, though, that would irritate Judy. So if I ever do talk, it’s mostly when I’m awake. And I run out of things to think. For example, I ran out of something to think last March, and I actually said something out loud. That surprised everybody in the room. Actually, it was in the bathroom and I was the only one there, so maybe that doesn’t count. Then there was that time in 1978 when we moved to Oregon. That was actually kinda cool, what with the 4th of July rodeo being snowed out and all. But other than that, oh yeah – there was the time when I was in the first grade and I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of class and I raised my hand and asked the teacher if I could go to the bathroom and she said “yes”. I went there and sat there and ran out of things to think, so I talked then, too. Hmmm… I think I do most of my best talking sitting on the pot. At least – oh yeah, and there was the time when I was driving to the store to get milk and carnation instant breakfast for dinner when Judy was out of town and I had to cook for myself. I ran out of things to think about and started to repeat my shopping list (which I had forgotten to write because I was in the middle of thinking of something when I decided to go to the store) so I wouldn’t forget why I was going there in the first place. When I ran out of something to think about, I just repeated over and over, “Milk. Carnation Instant Breakfast. milk. carnation instant breakfast. milk. carnation instant breakfast. milk. carnation instant breakfast…” Then I realized that I had been talking without using any capital letters so I had to start over again. “Milk. Carnation Instant Breakfast. Milk. Carnation Instant Breakfast. Milk. Carnation Instant Breakfast…” I got it right that time, so I could stop talking and start to think of something again. And there was the time that I was thinking about something – I don’t rememebr exactly what it was – but I know it must have been something important because I was thinking it – and I realized that I had been thinking about it for five minutes after I had stopped thinking about it and it made me talk. I said, “crap, what was I thinking about?” I never did rememebr, but I had fun talking about it anyway. After all, it was one of the few times I talked outloud, so it’s hard to forget that I did it. I guess the whole point is that I rarely speak or write out loud and that makes me fluent in silence. Oh – wait! There was the time when I was running to catch a fly ball in center field and …