The Domestic Me – The Culinary Somebody Else: Episode Five – Another Coffee Discovery

Hello once again, Gentle Reader(s?)…

Yes, it’s Coffee Moron, here! And I have some truly enlightening news to report! But first, a word, or two, on how I came to discover this information…

Today, early in the morning, I slithered out of bed with a hankering for – you guessed it – the bathroom! Skipping ahead a bit, my next craving was for a – you guessed it again – a haircut! But skipping a bit further ahead (because a haircut is not currently available in my neck of the woods), my next hanker was for a – you probably didn’t guess this – cup of coffee…

Yes, Gentle Reader(s), coffee. 

As you may, or may not, remember from past postings, depending upon how Gentle a Reader you may or may not be, I have been on an adventure of coffee discovery over the past couple of years. I have learned many things (mostly, how to gain ten pounds in a period of two months), some of which have been beneficial to my daily routine, if not to my waistline.  But all of them have affected my life in some way or other. 

Anyway, I haven’t experimented with coffee much, lately, and I didn’t experiment this morning, either. It was a typical throw in enough water for three cups, all of which fit into one mug, scoop in three mountainous scoops of grounds, hit the “on” switch, wait for the gurgling noise to stop, pour the result into my mug, add a half gallon of heavy whipping cream and drink. 

But there was a slight difference today, in that we had to go out for a few hours. This, of course, meant that I couldn’t finish my daily serving of coffee (I don’t like to guzzle it down) and I ended up pouring about half of it down the sink.

When we returned to the house, I decided that I really needed to have my full daily allotment of the stuff that waistlines (mine, anyway) are made of, so I went directly to the coffee pot and began to restart the whole process.

Standing there, in front of the coffee maker, I lifted the lid to the thing that holds the filter, reached for it with the intention of tossing the used filter and grounds into the waiting trash can and froze; my mind evaluating the cost of the grounds so perfectly placed within the coffee-filter-holder-thing…

“Hmmm,” I thought, “I wonder what it would be like to just use the same pile of grounds for this new pot…”

Being the adventuresome sort of guy that I am (adventuresome = cheap and, more to the point, lazy), I decided to give it a shot. 

So I did…

Now, for the discovery…

While the resulting concoction was kinda similar to coffee (the water part of the solution looked a little brownish and there was a faint odor of coconut – this was Hawaiian Hazelnut coffee), the flavor was more like heavy whipping cream mixed with nitrogen and brownish-colored water. It wasn’t quite as good as my usual product. 

This, of course, resulted in me having to toss the existing grounds (although, I admit, I toyed with the idea that maybe this was just some sort of aberration and I should give it another shot). this, of course, meant that I had wasted, not only, enough water from our well to make a mug (three cups) of coffee, but also the time that I could have been watching Dr. Zachary Smith nearly destroying the entire Robinson family, along with Major Don West and the beloved family Robot in the next thrilling episode of Lost In Space. 

Please, I implore you, DO NOT TRY THIS. I have already done the hard work, and you really don’t have to. 

Really. 

You don’t.

Until next time, this is Coffee Moron, wishing you a Happy New Year! Be well!

 

Wondering Aimlessly: Breakfast…

Breakfast. The most important meal of the day. 

This morning, though, I’m not really hungry. But if I was really hungry, what would I eat?

This is the question that has plagued me for thousands of years, “What do I want for breakfast?” I never have a definitive answer to that question. 

Judy never has a problem deciding how to start her nutritional day. And she is creative and unafraid to explore new culinary possibilities.

For example, this morning I slowly maneuvered my way into the kitchen, drawn by an odor of which I had not previously been aware, only to spy a frying pan hosting an egg and something I never would have imagined – two halves of a banana nut muffin cut, not top to bottom, but across the center, with the “ragged” sides buttered up and facing down to the hot pan.

Soon the naked surfaces of the muffin had sufficiently toasted. She then gently slapped the egg between the two halves, wrapped it into a napkin, stuck it into a bowl, gathered up her many purses and went out the door headed to work.

Do people really do that? I honestly don’t know, but Judy did. 

This left me alone to contemplate my own breakfast needs, wants and desires. What do I want for breakfast?  What shall I make? How shall I make it? As mentioned above, I’m not really hungry, and… and… and…    

I think I have just had an epiphany! 

I just realized that…

The amount of effort one is willing to expend in the preparation of breakfast is directly proportional to the amount of hunger one is experiencing at that particular moment. 

Hmmm… I should contemplate food more often… 

Well, as excited as I am about my newfound life lesson, I’m still not hungry and, therefore, still not any closer to figuring out what to fix myself to Break my overnight Fast which, after all, is the whole purpose of breakfast in the first place. 

So many options; so little ambition…

 

 

Conversations With Judy – Episode 18: What Did You Have For Dinner?

Finally, after 67 years, I have met my match in the kitchen. Out of respect for my friend’s family, I will not give his name. 

How do I know that he is my culinary equal?

I’ll tell you…

Judy: “What did you guys have for dinner at the meeting tonight?”

Bill: “Lasagnsicles.”

J: “What’s that?”

B: “It’s frozen lasagna that you are supposed to cook for two hours at 350 degrees that you only cook for forty-five minutes in an oven that’s not turned on.”

And that, dear friends, is how I know that I have met my culinary equal.