I have a wife. Her name is Judy. She is the most awesome human currently residing on the planet. Yes, Earth – THAT planet. 

Judy has a husband (me). His name is Bill. Many people aren’t sure WHICH planet is his current place of residence, but let’s just assume, for the sake of argument, that he lives on Earth, too. 

Bill and Judy have been married for a few years, almost 46 of them, and they are both very much in love with each other. 

Sometimes people ask Bill and Judy the secret to the longevity of their marriage. Judy used to say that it was because she has a really bad memory, but she has changed her mind on that score. Now she says it’s because she has a really good memory. 

Bill, on the other hand, has a bit of a different take. He gives the credit to something he calls mystery

One day, a few weeks ago, Bill was helping out around the house by doing the dishes.  During this act, it dawned on him that there were a few utensils missing from the inventory of knives, forks, spoons, etc.. Not that there weren’t any, but that there were not the former quantity of eight place settings of matching style. In other words, there were lots of utensils, but no eight of them matched. 

This kinda bothered him, because he knew that they had purchased actual place settings of matching silverware for eight users. But now there was this hodge podge of different styles types and sizes. He was able to find three salad forks, four dinner forks, five teaspoons, two tablespoons and one knife, all of the same make and model. Plus a plethora of mixed makes and models.

All in the same drawer.  

This finally led him to check in with Judy to see if she was hiding the rest of the set somewhere, possibly in her purse where you can find anything from lipstick to a toilet plunger if the need arises (Bill refers to Judy’s purse as her magic bag of tricks), but to no avail. She had no idea where the missing items could be.

This further led him to suggest that they should purchase a complete set of knives, forks and spoons, etc., just so they can have matching place settings in case anyone ever wants to join them at their house for a meal. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

Judy agreed and immediately started searching the internet for something suitable. She found several good deals on nice settings and presented them to Bill for his input. After a brief few days of discussion, they agreed upon a specific 45 (actually 50) piece set. It looked nice and it didn’t cost too much. 

With the decision made, Judy ordered them and a few days later they showed up at the post office, where Bill, with hope in his heart, picked them up. He was not immediately disappointed when he opened the package: 

flatware1.jpg

It all looked good to him, so he left it as it was and didn’t open the rest of the sub-packages because he wanted Judy to have the pleasure of seeing her brand new silverware, fresh out of the box, when she got home.

This worked out great, until she got home. 

When she, with great anticipation, opened the rest of the boxes, they discovered that there were a few surprises:

  1. There were no knives and only a few forks
  2. There were LOTS  and LOTS of spoons

This was the perfect set of flatware if you want to have a large ice cream and soup banquet, but it wasn’t much good for meat, spaghetti, potatoes or anything else requiring reduction in size or stabbing in order to get it from the plate to your mouth.

In order to save you the trouble of reading about this episode forever, I’m just going to move on the rest of the actual mystery involved. But be assured that the situation was (mostly) rectified by contacting the manufacturer. I say “mostly” because they are out of stock on the knives (possibly because they sent ours to somebody who can now have a “let’s cut stuff up but not actually eat it” banquet). 

Subsequent to this challenge, Bill has discovered that the rest of their “eating”ware suffers from the same malady that he discovered with the knives, forks, etc.. Partial place settings. They have always bought these items in settings of eight. Eight of each bowl, plate, saucer, cup, etc.. But now there are twos, threes and fives of these items present. 

How does this happen? Bill doesn’t know and he really doesn’t care. All Bill wants to know is where this stuff goes. Do the kids have them? Are there boxes they have not yet unpacked in the last move? Have they broken over the years and Bill just didn’t notice? Have they been burglarized and all that was taken was a plate, a cup, a fork or a spoon and Bill just didn’t realize that they were gone?

Bill approached Judy with his conundrum and she didn’t help solve the mystery (in his mind, anyway). The best that Judy could come up with was “They have probably been broken over the years. You DO realize that we have had these same dishes for the last thirty-plus years, right?

And therein lies the real mystery…

There’s no way that’s true. That hypothesis goes against nature.

Look, Bill and Judy are a man and a woman. They are married. They love each other. Very much. They spend a lot of time together. It’s only natural that, with all of those truths in place, over the years the forces of nature would win out and they would eventually succumb to their feelings and go out and buy a new set of matching dishes at some point.

They would have to.

Wouldn’t they…?

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The End.

We are in the process of moving into a new home and I was just feeding our new fish in our new pond just off our new front porch. We have been able to count eleven adult fish in the pond. We figure that they must be adult fish because we have just discovered two actual new fish in there with them. I was having a fun and relaxing time watching them swim to the surface and grabbing the fish food flakes sprinkled there for them.  

We had asked the previous owners of the house if the fish had names. They responded that, yes, they had named them. Not only had they named them, they could actually tell them apart! I can’t tell one from another (except for the two babies because the coloring is lighter at this stage).

So, instead of giving them new individual names (I can’t remember the originals), I have decided to name the group. They are now collectively known as FPF’s (Front Porch Fishes). I know that it probably ought be be something like Front Pond Fishes, but I like Front Porch Fishes. 

At some point we may be able to tell them apart, and then we can give them individual names, but they will always be FPF’s to me. 

Murphy is also quite curious and went sniffing around the pond while the FPF’s were at the surface feeding. Afterall, he was raised as a hunting dog. This triggered a thought in my mind:

Hmmm… Maybe it’s time for me to go get a new fishing pole… I don’t think you need a license to fish in your own pond…

This may sound a bit off, but it’s more sporting than shooting them with a gun, don’t you think?

BK 🙂

I used to work. At a job. I loved my job, but I love being retired, too.

Some of the things I loved about the job are:

  1. The people – not just my co-workers, but ALL of the people I came into contact with, and I still keep in contact with a lot of them. I think that some of them may be getting sick of me by now, but I really do enjoy them and miss them. So I  bug them on occasion. 
  2. The job, itself. For the most part, I had a lot of fun doing what I did. Again, that’s because of the people I got to work with.
  3. The industry. It is a crazy industry with a lot of motion. Major changes all of the time. It’s also a very large and, at the same time, a very small industry. Everybody knows everybody else, no matter which company you work for or segment of the industry you work in. It helps that I was in the industry for 30 years. I am friends with janitors, help desk personnel, sales reps, software developers, marketing folks all the way up to CEOs in a lot of small to large companies. 

But, like with all jobs, there are some things that could be challenging to get through. 

  1. Email.
  2. Meetings.
  3. Email.
  4. Email.

Email could be challenging and even entertaining. One of the more entertaining things about email is when you get one from a co-worker in, say, China, for whom English is not a first language.  It’s even more entertaining when the email includes lots of other people who speak the same non-English language, say, Chinese. 

And it’s even more fun when you (me) don’t speak Chinese as a first (or any) language. 

Those emails go something like this…

外贸五步法主动营销,让您企业发展节节高!

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有询盘,没有订单,瓶颈期怎么办。主动出击才能创造更多的可能性,路需要越走才会越宽。

当今企业间的竞争,不是产品之间的竞争,而是商业模式之间的竞争,有一套完整的商业经营模式,

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发团队。

深圳2月6日13:30,五步法外贸孵化基地邀您一起收听五步法创始人——逄力先生外贸五步法精华

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您绝对不虚此行!

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Let me know if you have any questions.

I always enjoyed the “Let me know if you have any questions” part the best. That’s because the whole thing became a question for me. I just didn’t know where to start asking.

I still don’t. 

 

Well, my cousin did this thing about what she would have looked like 100 years ago. Basically, you go to a website and log in using your Facebook account. The site then takes a look at your profile picture, analyzes and rewinds your appearance back to what it thinks you would have looked like 100 years ago and displays the you that would have been.
 
Apparently, I was quite handsome, well loved, fashionable and would have had less hair back then. Also, I brought all of these qualities with me when I kicked the bucket and started my new life.
 
And It’s amazing that I reincarnated as Half Dome.
me reincarnated

Drives like a gnat… Looks like a toe…

But they are easy to come by – you get them in Crackerjack boxes. 

You can’t just buy one. You have to buy two – one for each foot.

I scrape these things of my windshield.

It looks like something that fell off a charm bracelet.

You have to remember not to leave it lying around anywhere because if somebody steps on it they could break their neck. Imagine the lawsuit… 

Honey! I think I found your lost ear ring! 

It’s safe as long as you don’t collide with a bicycle. Or a skateboard.

Or a Fly Swatter…

Amazing what you can find when you floss regularly…