Fear The Duck…

Does this photo bother you? If so, you are not alone. You may be one of the millions of Americans who suffer from Anatidaephobia – the fear that you are being watched by a duck.

Ask yourself these questions:

“Have I ever awakened in a cold sweat the middle of the night with the feeling that I am being spied upon by a duck?”

“Have I ever taken a quiet stroll  along a peaceful lake, only to have my serenity shattered by the sudden appearance of a family of ducks swimming by… And watching me…?”

“Do I feel anxious when I open my closet door because my sixth sense tells me that there is a pair of duck eyes waiting on the other side… Waiting… To look at me…?”

“Am I afraid to venture out in “foul” weather because I know that a duck is a breed of water “fowl”, and I see them… looking at me… in every rain drop that falls about me?

“Are ducklings truly ugly to me?”

“Do I avoid people named Donald or Daffy because they make me think of the filthy cartoon characters after whom they were obviously named?”

“When I was a child in school, did I participate in “Goose and Cover” drills because I could not bring myself to “Duck”?”

“Do I scan the obituary column searching out people who died from being observed by ducks?”

“Worse, do I ever find them?”

“Do I consider a duck’s eyes to be evil?”

“Would I rather stare into the cold dead eyes of a great white shark than into the knowing, appraising eyes of a rabid duck?”

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, you have a real problem, and there is nothing that can be done to help you.

Your life will be a total goose egg…

Fear the Duck…

Quack.