You can usually tell when Judy is out of town by looking at me. That’s because I loose weight, and that’s because I don’t put pots and pans into the dishwasher, and that’s because I don’t do anything that would mess them up. Meaning, of course, I don’t cook much when she’s gone.
Why don’t I cook? Well, in point of fact, I do. I have a serviceable microwave and a toaster, both of which are well within walking distance of the refrigerator… And I have pretty much figured out how to use them.
And, in the refrigerator, there is food. Fortunately, some of it doesn’t require much actual preparation. Even more fortunately, some of it (about 95% of what I use – the other 5% is Ice Cream) actually IS the preparation. It’s called milk.
Milk is an amazingly versatile food product in that it can be used in the preparation of a whole plethora of meals that don’t require actual heating, and some (one) that only require minimal heating.
Two that come to mind are Carnation Instant Breakfast and Quaker Instant Oatmeal, both of which are stapels of my “Judy ain’t around” dietary plan. And, for variety, I like to switch the oatmeal off with Cheerios or Wheat Chex on occasion. Or have one for breakfast and one for dinner.
Another food that is well accompanied by milk is Oreo Cookies. as well as the occasional Chips Ahoy. And then there’s the ultimate in my culinary talents, Skipy Super Chunk Peanut Butter, of which I consume copious amounts, both with bread and with a spoon.
I also consume minute amounts of raisins (mixed in with the oatmeal, usually), bananas (which I usually eat alone – somehow dunking a banana into milk just isn’t the same as performing the same chore with an Oreo) and walnuts (which I keep in a big blue plastic party cup on my desk to stave off those hunger pangs while I am working). Most of those don’t require much milk, though.
So, as you can see, I have all of the basic food groups covered with my dietary plan:
Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Desert and In Between Meal Snacks.
How much more balanced can a guy be?
OK.. I can cook.. I have cooked in the past. But when I cook, I dirty up pots and pans, and they don’t do well in the dish washer – they take up too much room and you can only fit a couple of them at one time. And that wastes water and energy (mine). And Judy won’t wash them by hand.
Ergo, I don’t cook…