Cow Facts Trilogy – Part Seven (7): A Cow By Any Other Name (cont’d) Or What’s So Good About Smelling Like A Cow (cont’d from Part Five (5))?

April 26, 2017

Click here to catch up on everything and have some idea what the heck is going on…  and start at the bottom of the page with Part 1 (one).

Click here to go to Part Five (5)… so you know where we left off…

Well, Bovine enthusiasts, it’s been almost four (4) years since last we met on the subject of cows. I’m thinking I have left you hanging long enough. But take solace in the fact that this will, perhaps, be the last of the trilogy. Who knows…

So…

Yes, it is, in fact, a fact that chickens smell multitudes worse than cows. Multitudes squared, actually.

While cows can smell items up to six miles away, you, as a human being, can smell a chicken ranch at nearly twice that distance, given favorable (or unfavorable, depending on how you smell it) wind direction. In that regard, cows can be labeled “fortunate”. 

I say “fortunate” because nobody wants to be the stinkiest object in the room. Not even a cow. And with chickens providing such negatively aromatic competition, the typical cow can point an accusatory hoof at the nearest barnyard provider of delicious eggs and deflect most, if not all, thoughts of disgust otherwise aimed toward her.  

But lets face it, even though a cow is not a chicken, she still emits a pretty “fowl” odor. 

But lets further face it, if there are chickens around, a cow doesn’t smell nearly so bad. This is especially true if you live in rural areas of the planet. 

But lets further face it further. If you are a city dweller, you, most likely, don’t live in very close proximity of a true, bonafide chicken raising, egg producing,  heavily populated chicken ranch. And you probably don’t have the foggiest idea just how much the chickens on that ranch poop. And you don’t have ANY idea what that sh – stuff smells like in large quantities.

Well let me tell you, city slicker, I DO! And it ain’t ANYTHING like your brand newly planted front lawn. 

Uh… sorry. Got a little carried away… 

“So,” you ask, “just how bad can a chicken smell, anyway?”

I am pleased that you have brought that up. To answer that question, I have assembled a short list of “how bads” for your consideration. 

  • The odor emanating from a small to medium sized chicken ranch is so bad that you can hear it.
    • (Yes, you can actually hear the smell, and it is not nearly as appealing as the sound of screeching brakes ending with a crash and the sound of breaking glass.) 
  • A chicken ranch can smell so bad that, over a long period of exposure, roosters have been known to lay eggs.
    • (Yes, even chickens are negatively impacted by their own smell.)
  •  I’ve seen uninitiated folks have their socks curl up, disintegrate and fall out of their shoes at the first whiff of a working chicken ranch.  
    • (Yes, up. Not down – up.)
  • And, finally, a chicken ranch ALWAYS smells so bad that it makes a cow smell like Nirvana Rose perfume.
    • (Yes, women – and the men who smell them – would rather smell like a cow than be subjected to the odor of the average chicken ranch.)

That’s how bad it is. It’s awful. Really awful.

And that, my friend, is what makes a cow smell so good.

Comparatively. 

And on that note, it’s time to say…

Moo… 

 

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