Category: The Linguist Me

Sayings By Bill 4: The Wisdom Of Age: Simple And Easy

** ” How could something so simple be so hard?”

Here, another great lesson in life was revealed to me:  The words “Simple” and “Easy” are not synonyms.  I don’t even think the actual definitions share any letters in common.  I wanted them to be the same, but the best I could do was to make up my own definition of each…  After much contemplation, I decided that:

  • The concept of Simplicity is conceptual
  • The concept of Easiness is procedural

For instance:

  • The concept of a G, C , D chord progression is simple, not confusing.
  • The process of putting them together on the fret board of a guitar for the first time is hard, not easy.

So that (applying the Bill Kammerer “’swapping the order’ law of equality” to the second statement):

  • Simple = Not Confusing
  • Easy = Not Hard

By doing this, I was at least able to come up with definitions that shared a common word: 

“Not.”

The only thing that I could determine about the mutual sameness of the two concepts is that they are “NOT” the same.

Therefore:  Simple ≠ Easy

 

Sayings By Bill 3: The Wisdom Of Age: How To Swear

“…Yeah, I know… Me, too…  I was practically dumbstruck… nearly completely without words.  And the only words I could think of at that precise moment was a two-part phrase beginning with the word “holy” that had actually gotten my mouth washed out with soap a few years earlier… 

“With that event still fresh in my memory, I decided that silence is the better part of swearing, so, silent I remained…” – The Very William H. Kammerer, Jr, Esq. (not)

Alternative Cuss Words

Remember when I introduced you to Shakespearian Insults? Well, now you have a chance to learn how to cuss without getting your mouth washed out with soap. (Hmmm… It seems that nowadays, that’s not a punishment, but some sort of competition.)

No longer do you have to resort to disgustingly bad language when you need to express frustration, anger, surprise, shock or simply the need to feel like a real “grownup”. 

I have to give credit to my beautiful niece, Stephany, for providing this list to me. (Although, truth be told, I learned most of these in the Navy.)

alternative cuss words.jpg

The linguist Me: Phaze 2: How To Speak French: Lesson One

Hello, Again, Gentle Reader(s),

This is the one. This is it. Finally, after all of these years, this is the post that is going to make me FAMOUS.

 

Oh! combien de temps j'ai attendu ce moment!

.

And it’s also going to help all of you to become more “continental” and refined and good at talking French. 

Yes, I am going to teach you all how to parle Francais! In French, even! And in three French Dialects! When I’m done with you, you will be able to travel almost anywhere where French is the spoken language and be able to order a hamburger or a wind up toy train!

Here’s how it’s going to work: 

First, I will display a photo which contains an object labeled in English, followed by the French translation of the English.

Next, you will click on the audio file and listen carefully to the pronunciation (which I remember entirely from Mr. Twohy’s French class in my sophomore year at St. Bonaventure High School in 1966 – 67).

Next, you can listen to the subsequent audio files to get the Southern France and French-Canadian dialects, if you so wish.

Shall we get started?

Regular French

Southern French

French-Canadian

 2.

Regular French

Southern French

French-Canadian

     3.

Regular French

Southern French

French-Canadian

Well, students, our time is up for this week. 

See you next time! And until then, 

 

 

 

How To Utilize Shakespeareian Insults

You know how, sometimes, you want to succinctly express your feelings to someone in such a way as to let them know exactly what you think of them? And you want to do it without using any really bad words? And you can’t think of any way to do it without using any of the really bad words you really want to use but would feel really badly about it if you did? And so you just don’t say anything at all?

You Stifle yourself for the sake of propriety. 

On the one hand, this is a very good thing to do – it shows maturity and self control when, in many cases, you may be justified in letting the other guy verbally have it; but because you are a really nice person, you just bite your tongue and keep your thoughts to yourself. 

Is that not just about the most frustrating thing in the world?

Well take heart, my good person, because I have stumbled upon a way to inform anyone who irritates you exactly what you think of them without the use of any really bad words at all! 

Yes, that’s right! You can exercise your right to insult the _____ing _____y ______e who has just proven him/herself to be exactly what you don’t want to say and do it in such a way that you can say it without any self recrimination or fear of getting your mouth washed out with Lifebuoy. 

Imagine a situation where someone has just demonstrated themselves to be exactly what you don’t want to say, but you are able to say something even better.

For example, instead of calling them a _____ing _____y ______e, you can say,

“Thou gorebellied pottle-deep canker-blossom!”

or

“Thou clouted milk-livered malt-worm!”.

You can even go as far as saying

“Thou beslubbering tardy-gated skainsmate!”

without having to go to confession because of the really bad words that you didn’t use! And, at the same time, you can demonstrate that you actually are quite the cultured individual because you can sound “Shakespeare”-ish.

“So how do I do this,” you ask? It’s easy! Simply look at the chart below and follow the instructions and in no time at all you’ll be insulting everyone from your boss to your doctor; from your spouse to your daughter’s boyfriend; from your used car salesman to your grocery clerk, all while impressing them with your knowledge of  The Barb!

No need to thank me. I didn’t come up with this, but I really wish that I had.

shakespear-insult-kit