Conversations With Judy: Episode 30: Speak Up

Hello, again, Gentle Reader(s?),

As some of you may know, I have been the proud owner of some really great hearing aids for the past few years. And, as some of you may know, I don’t wear them all of the time. And as some of you may know, that means that I can go fairly long stretches without wearing them at all. And, as some of you may know, it drives Judy nuts when she has to repeat herself when I don’t quite pick up what she is trying to tell me. 

Well, this past week has been a game changer. I actually wore my hearing aids all week long! Really! It’s been great! 

Well, yesterday, Judy and I were on the road, returning from five days in San Diego where we were celebrating our 50th (Golden) Wedding Anniversary. We were conversing quite a bit along the way, and I was able to pick up just about everything she said! It was GRAWESOME!!! And she was happy that she didn’t have to repeat a lot of things!

Just after we came over the Grapevine, she asked me a question…

Judy: “How come, when you are wearing your hearing aids, you don’t talk as loudly as you do when you’re not wearing them?”

Bill: “Well, because I can hear myself better.”

J: “Yes, but I can’t hear you as well. In fact it’s hard to pick up what you are saying.”

B “Hmmm… You should get hearing aids.”


Conversations With Judy – Call It Episode 13: Free Spirited Artist

Driving home from Oakhurst after Mass…

Judy: “We could rent a motorhome to go to Utah. I’m kind of afraid to go to Utah, though.”

Bill (Me): “Why? Are you afraid you might want to move there?”

J: “No. I’m afraid to come home and get a call that Dean had a heart attack in Hawaii. Besides, if we moved to Utah, you would have to become Mormon.”

B (M): “Well, what would I have to become if we moved to Arizona?”

J: “You would have to become a ‘Free Spirited Artist’.”

B (M): “I could do that. I could be a ‘Free Spirited Artist’. I could become a Free Spirited Photographic Artist’… I could be a ‘Phartist’!”





J: “The next time somebody asks me what I have learned being married to you I’m just going to say, “I have learned not to be sipping a soda through a straw while having a conversation with him in the car,” and they will ask “Why shouldn’t you sip soda while having a conversation with Bill?” and I will answer “because I’m afraid of what will come out of his mouth.”

B (M): “No you’re not. You’re afraid that what comes out of my mouth will cause your soda to come out of your nose.”

Judging by what happened next, Judy, apparently, has yet to learn that lesson. 

Conversations With Judy – Episode 14: Romantic Words – Installment 2

Me: “You know, I would rather be right here, snuggling with you, than with all of the best smelling skunks in the whole world.”

Judy: “Nice…”

Me: “Well, a guy’s gotta start somewhere…”

Conversations With Judy – Episode Two: Car Talk

Judy and I were in the car driving along when, after about 90 minutes, she said “Would you mind if we had a little quiet time for awhile?”, to which I – truthfully – replied, “I’m not talking.”

This response was met with a silent glare for about 15 seconds…

And then she reached over and turned off the radio…

Conversations with Judy – Episode Four: A Rose By Any Other Name

“Panther sure knows how to make stinky poop.”

I looked at the litter box and saw that the litter was a bit thinly spread, and there was a fresh deposit lying unburied.

“It’s easy when there’s no litter in the box. Even you could do it.”

She stood there for a few seconds with a thoughtful look on her face and then said…

“I doubt it…”

Conversations With Judy – Episode One: Pillow Talk

It was a dark and snoozy night…

It was a dark and snoozy night…

Twenty minutes ago, I was sound asleep happily dreaming of my new Sears Craftsman Model 79186 Weedwhacker Gas Trimmer with the 32cc 2-Cycle Engine, Incredi-Pull – P2 Technology, Hassle Free Cutting Head, and Convertible Attachment System*, when I was awakened by the feel of my wife’s hand groping my own hand (which was somehow vertically situated above her head, leaning up against the headboard) and following it along down to the top of my head, as if she was trying to figure out what this thing was…

And then she said, “What are YOU doing here?”

“Oh, I’m here this time most every night … What do you mean what am I doing here? Where do you think we are?”

“I’m on the couch. What are you doing standing behind it?”

“You may be on the couch, but I’m in bed asleep.”

“Really? What time is it?”


Dead silence… then she started laughing and said “Sorry for waking you – I thought I was on the couch reading my book and you were the cat.”

“You woke me up for this?”

Then she went back to sleep.

Now she is sawing Zs and I’m wide awake writing this stupid story…

* Really – I was – I’m now convinced that I am no longer a teen-ager…