Driving home from Oakhurst after Mass…

Judy: “We could rent a motorhome to go to Utah. I’m kind of afraid to go to Utah, though.”

Bill (Me): “Why? Are you afraid you might want to move there?”

J: “No. I’m afraid to come home and get a call that Dean had a heart attack in Hawaii. Besides, if we moved to Utah, you would have to become Mormon.”

B (M): “Well, what would I have to become if we moved to Arizona?”

J: “You would have to become a ‘Free Spirited Artist’.”

B (M): “I could do that. I could be a ‘Free Spirited Artist’. I could become a Free Spirited Photographic Artist’… I could be a ‘Phartist’!”

Hahaha…

Hahaha…

Hahaha…

Hahaha…

J: “The next time somebody asks me what I have learned being married to you I’m just going to say, “I have learned not to be sipping a soda through a straw while having a conversation with him in the car,” and they will ask “Why shouldn’t you sip soda while having a conversation with Bill?” and I will answer “because I’m afraid of what will come out of his mouth.”

B (M): “No you’re not. You’re afraid that what comes out of my mouth will cause your soda to come out of your nose.”

Judging by what happened next, Judy, apparently, has yet to learn that lesson. 

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Me: “You know, I would rather be right here, snuggling with you, than with all of the best smelling skunks in the whole world.”

Judy: “Nice…”

Me: “Well, a guy’s gotta start somewhere…”

Judy and I were driving and the subject – Ah… Never mind.. You’d have to have been there…

Judy and I were in the car driving along¬†when, after about 90 minutes, she said “Would you mind if we had a little quiet time for awhile?”, to which I – truthfully – replied, “I’m not talking.”

This response was met with a silent glare for about 15 seconds…

And then she reached over and turned off the radio…

“Panther sure knows how to make stinky poop.”

I looked at the litter box and saw that the litter was a bit thinly spread, and there was a fresh deposit lying unburied.

“It’s easy when there’s no litter in the box. Even you could do it.”

She stood there for a few seconds with a thoughtful look on her face and then said…

“I doubt it…”

It was a dark and snoozy night…

Twenty minutes ago, I was sound asleep happily dreaming of my new Sears Craftsman Model 79186 Weedwhacker Gas Trimmer with the 32cc 2-Cycle Engine, Incredi-Pull – P2 Technology, Hassle Free Cutting Head, and Convertible Attachment System*, when I was awakened by the feel of my wife’s hand groping my own hand (which was somehow vertically situated above her head, leaning up against the headboard) and following it along down to the top of my head, as if she was trying to figure out what this thing was…

And then she said, “What are YOU doing here?”

“Oh, I’m here this time most every night … What do you mean what am I doing here? Where do you think we are?”

“I’m on the couch. What are you doing standing behind it?”

“You may be on the couch, but I’m in bed asleep.”

“Really? What time is it?”

“12:53.”

Dead silence… then she started laughing and said “Sorry for waking you – I thought I was on the couch reading my book and you were the cat.”

“You woke me up for this?”

Then she went back to sleep.

Now she is sawing Zs and I’m wide awake writing this stupid story…

* Really – I was – I’m now convinced that I am no longer a teen-ager…