Coffee is just about the most ubiquitous liquid currently found in the solar system. I used to think that it was the Pacific Ocean, however, I now know that sea water runs a semi-distant second to coffee. It’s everywhere. That’s because it reproduces itself.
And almost everybody drinks it. You (very nearly) cannot visit a friend, neighbor, lawyer or hated enemy without hearing the words, “Would you care for a cup of coffee?” immediately after hearing the words, “Have a seat and take a load off.” (In the case of the lawyer, the script changes somewhat to “Please sign here. Have a seat and take a load off. Please sign this disclaimer. Would you care for a cup of coffee?”)
Coffee takes on an almost uncountable number of forms. It mixes with almost anything you can fit into your cup, whether it be liquid, solid or gas. Anything. (There is some question as to whether Metamucil is compatible with coffee, but I have yet to determine that with one hundred percent confidence.)
Aside from being unable to avoid the immediate availability of coffee in stores of all types, restaurants, cruise ships, airplanes, motorhomes, law offices, medical facilities, churches, sewage treatment plants, schools, gas stations, theatres, business offices, cemeteries, prisons, public restrooms and even a small number of public libraries, most people have at least two or three coffee pots in their homes.
Judy and I are no different. We have always had them in our home. I think we currently have two, but I’m not certain that there aren’t more in storage somewhere on the homestead. We even have a reasonably equipped “coffee station”:
We keep the actual coffee in the refrigerator.
We also have a wide variety of coffee cups, mugs and Thermoses to make it easier to consume it, and paper towels with which to clean it up when there is an accident.
Where coffee is concerned, we are just like any other household with one minor exception.
Judy and I don’t actually drink coffee.
Yes, you read that right. Judy and I are not coffee drinkers. What’s worse is that we don’t even know how to make coffee – seriously.
So why do we have all of this stuff?
Well, we have offspring who visit on occasion, and seventy-five percent of them do drink coffee. (The other twenty-five percent settle for beer.) They all know how to use it and, being accommodating parents, we keep it around for them.
Until last night…
I read, last night, that Gary Larson (creator of “The Far Side” and my American literary hero) was once asked how he came up with ideas for his cartoon. His answer was the he would down a few cups of coffee before starting to work on a cartoon.
This gave me an idea – I got up and headed to the “coffee center” in the kitchen. While on my way, I called for Judy and asked her to show me how to make coffee.
It was only then that I found out that she didn’t know how to make coffee, either. We cooperated and worked on the problem together for about twenty minutes – she reading instructions, and me putting them into action.
Then this ensued…
I tested a fifty gallon drum of my first brew of coffee.
At about 2:30 this morning, it dawned on me that I probably should have done this a lot earlier in the day…
*** If you would like to find out about some of the many different makes and models of coffee, as well as a few of the most popular additive combinations, you can click here to go to Wikipedia and marvel at (what I am certain is a small portion of) the multitudinous array of caffeine sleep inhibitors available on the Earth today.