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Badly In Need…

April 16, 2020

Badly in need of a haircut… And I don’t have a bowl that will fit my head…

Almost…

April 16, 2020

I almost shaved yesterday. I know I’m going to sometime. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. And for the rest of my life…

Sigh…

April 16, 2020

Alas, I grow weary of finding nostril hairs in my moustache…

Early-stage toilet paper – some work needed. Free to good home. Or even a bad home…

 

 

 

I refuse to acknowledge even the remotest possibility that a fitted sheet can be re-folded the way it was when you bought the thing. In fact, I don’t believe it was ever folded that way in the first place. I think they inject some sort of drug into the package that makes you think it’s folded.

BK

I really prefer standing to sitting when I get the chance. I’m not a fan of sitting. People don’t seem to understand that, and when I am asked why I don’t sit down, I just tell them that I can’t stand sitting… BK

One day, Adam and Eve were strolling along enjoying the beautiful garden in which they lived. As they walked, they discussed their lives together and how every day was perfect when it dawned on Eve that time just, sort of, ran together.

After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, she turned to her husband and asked, “Adam, do you know what day it is?” Adam thought for a minute and replied, “Of course, my love. Don’t you?” “No, my poopywoopykins, I really don’t. The days all run together and it’s hard to remember which one is which. It’s almost as if we are retired, or something.”

Adam considered her response for a moment, “Why, my little sweetums,” he said, “it’s New Years, Eve.”

Happy New Year!

Hello, again, Gentle Reader(s?),

Today, we are going to present a new form of “how to wake up in the morning by drinking something that will definitely open your eyes“.

As you know, I have been trying, with some, unfortunately, recent success, I might add,  to make myself a decent cup of coffee for about the last year and a half.  You may be wondering why my success is unfortunate. Here’s why:

While visiting friends, we were offered a cup of coffee. Now, I have had Patricia’s coffee in the past, and it’s GREAT! Especially when I compare it to my own attempts at brewing. 

I found myself inquiring as to what she does to make her coffee taste so good, while mine tastes like they make it in the Navy, and she kindly showed me. It involves two things…

  1. Medium Blend coffee (I had been brewing Dark Blend)

  2. Heavy Whipping Cream

On the way home, Judy and I stopped by the grocery store and purchased…

  1. Patricia’s brand of Medium Blend coffee

  2. Somewhat less than 50 gallons of Heavy Whipping Cream

Upon arrival home, I threw on a pot of the new coffee and mixed in some of the newly acquired cream. It was GOOD!!! 

I was in Coffee Heaven…

Every day for the past two months, I have been enjoying my coffee each morning and/or afternoon. It’s been great!

So, what’s so unfortunate, you ask?

During that time, I have gained about 10 pounds. Sadly, I fear that this has something to do with the Heavy Whipping Cream that I have been adding to the brew, and it has forced me to confront the necessity of, either buying new pants or losing the weight. 

 

 

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Thanksgiving day has passed. The leftovers are in the refrigerator, and the bathroom scale has been safely hidden away for the next three months…

Today is the last day of the month. Tomorrow, it will be gone. No matter how you want it, no matter where you search for it, no matter how you try to make it stay, in the end, you will realize that there is no vember…

Banned After 10:00 PM…

November 8, 2019

Judy has banned me from telling jokes between the hours of 10:00 PM and 8:00 AM because she can’t sleep if she is laughing. I will say, though, that it’s fun to see her get mad at me while she is laughing out loud…

Wow… Why is it so much later than it is?

BK

I’m uncomfortable in large crowds especially when I’m by myself, in which case, I guess, there aren’t a lot of people around so why be uncomfortable?

Given the choice between eating fish and sitting on a cactus, I would probably select the fish… But not by much..

Sometimes you have to stub your toe to realize that it doesn’t hurt when you don’t…